hello, party people
07-07-24
I've talked a lot about trying to get out there and socialize more this Summer, which makes me proud to report I actually went to a party recently. Not just any party, but a drinking party. And not just that, but a drinking party where I barely knew anyone there. It was admittedly a lot.
Last night was a birthday party of an old high school friend I hadn't talked to in years, though I didn't expect it to be a full on drinking party. I overall had a good time but it was a bit overwhelming at points, considering I don't drink.
My sobriety isn't really out of any moral or religious position, I just don't really want to. So, I was the only sober person at a party where almost everyone was a stranger on a mission to get as drunk as possible. There was one other person I knew there that I was kind of anchoring. Eventually, he too got really zooted and it felt like I was on my own for a while. 
It was stressful for a bit, but I was able to lock in, and gradually chill out.
(*￣▽￣)b
Maybe I'm just not a party person. I spent more time than I care to admit just pretending to sip out of an empty soda can in the corner, but I did end up talking to a good few people. In the end, I pushed myself to stay until almost midnight, only to be told "You're leaving so early?" Oh well, overall I had a nice time and it was good to get out my comfort zone.
I noticed lately in my blogs, I usually end up just talking about some weird rumination I'd been having, so I'm just gonna do that again. I've been thinking about the concept of reputation a lot. Something that I've always found annoying about, well, life is the reputation that follows you. Seeing a friend I hadn't talked to in years brought these thoughts back in mind.
It's weird to think that you can have gone through the most life-altering experiences and retrospections, completely changing who you are as a person; but, you will be always remembered by the last time you were seen.
I'm the kind of person that is constantly embarassed by my past to be honest. I've always cringed just thinking about who I was a year before. Heck, I'm even embarassed by the me from last week. So the thought that most people who know me are walking around with an outdated perception of who I am is something that often irks me. I'd hate to be remembered for how I was in high school or college.
I often ponder about what I would say if I met someone from my past, and how I could prove to them I had changed as if I was on trial. Maybe I should just hold a seminar for everyone who's ever heard of me to come and watch. I'll go over all the things I did or said in the past that I now disavow, so everyone is all caught up on how I've changed. In fact, I should do it yearly, like a yearly state of address on how I am slightly less of a jerk this year.
Wew, pause. That back there were the ramblings of a deeply anxious individual, pay it no mind. But, I think just writing down how ridiculous these things sound makes me feel better.
I think in truth the perceptions held of other people aren't as static as I imagine. After all, when I think of people from my past, I don't think "I bet they are exactly the same!" I instead think "I wonder where they are now?" I should probably be more generous to the intentions of people around me before I turn absolutely paranoid.
Besides who cares about what others think, I have a website to run. Recently joined the bookbug book club so I'm excited to read this month's book. Plus, I have a more analytical rambling I wanna post in Info Dump later inspired by all these superhero shows and movies lately.
I think, at the time of writing this, I've recovered my stamina from the party, so it's time to get back to work! Stay tuned!
o( ❛ᴗ❛ )o