you are not immune to social media
06-17-24
It's been a minute since I sat down and blogged. To be honest, it's a little embarassing to be blogging about nothing in particular. I don't lead a very exciting life so it feels a bit self-indulgent to be having a whole blog page with an ominous background and jazzy music just to say I did nothing special.
Well, that's not totally true. I've been up to stuff besides just working. Let me catch up.
Finally got my tabletop campaign off the ground. Ran two sessions and the players seemed to have a grand time with it. I gotta say being a game master is such a dopamine rush. It's nice to have people think you're a creative genius for slapping together a session last minute out of duct tape, wood, and a bunch of stolen action movie plots.
I think I might make a rambling after a few sessions in talking about how the game is going. But in short words, I had the party do a nice little romp through a dark forest to save hostages. Ended the session with a Bloodborne-style horrific monster they had to fight, and one of the players almost died. I honestly haven't figured out where to take the plot from there, but I'm sure I'll find some divine inspiration while watching Toonami later.
Besides that, I recently fresh booted my computer and have been messing around configuring a tiling window manager. I've been trying to challenge myself to take as much of my workflow off of browsers and into terminals as possible. So far, I've moved my music player and RSS reader to CLI equivalents: mpd + ncmpcpp for music and newsboat for RSS. Messing around with Linux stuff definitely helps remind me why I like computers, and I think moving my workflow off browsers will help me stop getting distracted as much. Here's what I got so far.
I blocked out some sensitive info. Also I don't usually use floating mode, I just wanted to look all aesthetic. It'll look better when I finish. By the way, peep the Elden Ring wallpaper. Pretty cool, right?
(─‿─)
When actually writing it out, it makes me feel better about what I've done but I can't deny, I've been bummed out a lot of days. It doesn't matter how self-aware you are about it, no one is immune to the effects of social media, and I often can't help but compare myself to others.
With Summer in full swing, I often see stories and posts of past friends and acquaintances I no longer have rapport with. They're hanging out with their friends and partners, and travelling and partying downtown. Even my few close friends I have now are both currently on trips to a big city. I can't help but feel envious back home, tinkering on my computer. I haven't left my town in over 4 years. And with my only offline friends out of town it really highlighted to me how little I have to do when they're not here.
I tried to engage with some of my tabletop players outside the game but they don't really seem interested (at least for now, that could change). And in general I just can't really find places I fit in here.
I recently watched this very interesting video essay by a creator named Rowan Ellis. I'd highly recommend it.
female loneliness and the catch-up friendship crisis
Despite the title, it's not just about female friendships but just the lack of trust and effort found in modern adult friendships in general. 
I found myself relating to a lot of it and it pushed me to reconsider a lot of how I behave in relationships.
I tend to have an aversion to sincerity and vulnerability. I think that's something that might be common in a lot of cisgender men, but it's often made me particularly uncomfortable to be emotionally entrusted by people. I think a part of me writing this website is to work on not being afraid to be sincere or "cringe". It's something to apply offline too though. Checking in on friends more, telling people I love them. That sort of thing.
Still, I can't deny it's rough sometimes thinking about all the people I've drifted apart from. Pondering what I could've done different or if it even would've mattered. I wonder if they think about me as often as I think about them. It's probably better to leave the past to the past though. I'm looking to the future.
But, the time in between now and the future has been boring me to tears.
(_ _ ) Zzz
This was a long post. I'm glad because it means I had something to say after all. I recently posted a rambling going over recent fighting game news and it was fun. I think I want to write more, and I definitely write about more than just video games. Unfortunately, I've been very fixated on fighting games lately.
I hope I'm not percieved as just a guy who loves to consume content and talking about future content to consume. I also like, uh, going on walks and stuff. With that said, I still really like talking about fighting games and have an idea for a fun thing to write about soon. But rest assured I have non-FG stuff I want to write about soon as well. So, uh, stay tuned? (Is that my catchphrase or something now?)
(・・;)ゞ・・・