never knows best

03-30-24

Man, I wish I was more emotionally intelligent. It feels like the past few months I've just been making a lot of poor judgement calls.

I've had a pattern lately. I do something well-meaning but stupid. Someone calls me out on it. I get defensive for a little bit. And then, an hour or two later, I go back and apologize because I realized they were right.

It's so annoying being told you're in the wrong, when you're actually in the wrong. I don't act sore about it, I apologize and everything but man...

I would like to be the one in the right every once in a while. I'd like to be the one who gives good advice and has people come back and be like "you were right all along actually, my bad." It seems like I'm always going back and admitting when someone was right, but almost never get told it back.

It's probably because I don't know how to give advice. I can give advice on practical things like math problems or how to do stuff. But when it comes to relationship problems, mental health, or anything with people, I flounder. I either give superficial platitudes or bad advice that reveals my own naivety on the matter. Meanwhile, when I ask for advice, I'll get the most eloquent, mature responses back. How do they know just what to say?

I know this is a bit of an immature, envy-ridden thought to have. I'm not really upset with other people about this, it's me that's the problem. I wish I knew better. Did I miss a class or something? When it comes to emotional intelligence, it feels like everyone else is so much wiser than me. And, I'm always the student who need to stop, listen, and learn. I accept that, I'm never gonna stop learning. I never want to stop learning. I just wonder when I'll have learned enough to help others.